Things are better

My last post was pretty down, but I actually received an apology from my mother for "going off the deep end." Anyway, I'm now about 7 1/2 weeks post-op and am finally starting to feel like myself. My PCP switched my pain medication regiment, which has helped a lot. I am climbing stairs normally now, my walking is faster, I'm helping more around the house, I'm taking less naps, I'm able to sit and watch tv for a whole show, and I'm eating dinner at the table instead of on my "comfy" chair with a tv tray. I still experience pain, but it is diminishing.

I have a stitch abscess (sp?) on the lower 1/2 inch of my scar, which was oozing gross stuff and blood. Apparently my body was trying to reject that type of stitch (necryl), which was used to stitch the area of my drain and bone graft. Luckily, that is being taken care of now, and also feeling much better.

Two of my dearest friends in the world are currently flying here to see me and will stay for a long weekend. I'm so excited and glad that it doesn't hurt to laugh so much because I'm sure a lot of laughing will be going on. . . . lots of ice cream eating too.

I feel like I'm finally REALLY on my way to recovery. I hope it continues.

I was going to write a happy post . . .

about how many new things I can do now that I'm 7 weeks post-op, but I am currently very very very upset with my mother, who is now doing more harm than good during my recovery period. I can't get into it right now because I am beyond upset, but I just don't understand. I just had to get that out - as vague as it is. I can't believe she is doing this to me.

Looks like someone needs to go back to Med school

I tried coming off of vicodin too soon and got the classic withdrawl symptoms. So, I called the "oh so helpful" nurses at the spine clinic, only to be told that I had the flu. Well gee - why didn't I think of that? I have all the classic symptoms, I don't have a fever, and within an hour after taking a vicodin, I was all better. Honestly, you would think the nurses would be just a little bit smarter than that. Luckily, I have one smart sister-in-law who is going into her medical residency and she laughed at the nurses and told me how to slowly wean myself off the vicodin to limit the withdrawl symptoms. I'm also going to contact my PCP because she would be a better advocate for me than the idiot nurses who call themselves professionals (the flu? honest to God . . .)

Every little thing I do . . .

. . . takes effort. I'm doing much better than I was last week, but sometimes I still get frustrated and cry because I have to think about every little thing that I do that I took for granted before. I have to think about how I walk, how I sit, how to get up and down out of bed, how to turn, how to reach the faucet, how to reach and grab anything, how to get in and out of the car, how to brush my hair, etc. There are also the things that I can't do now, which I constantly wonder how I will be able to do them when I get even better, such as turning on the shower. These things are so simple and yet most of us completely take them for granted. We don't have to think about how our bodies do these things until we've lost what we once had.

I know that as each day and week goes by I will gain more mobility and independence. The frustration for the most part is temporary, but the pain in my left leg and the upper right part of my back is just making the frustration worse sometimes. Wow, who knew it would be so painful for nerves to wake up?

On a happier note though, the other day my father drove me to one of the lakes where we took a short walk and had ice cream. I would have to say that it was one of the best days since surgery. I love the water and even if the car ride was somewhat difficult, being by the water did much for my emotional state of being (plus the ice cream on a hot summer day by the lake rocked)! I'm glad it is the weekend because my husband is home and now that my family members have left, I get lonely (although I got a lot of reading done yesterday). I think we're going to try to go for another little outing today to get me out of the house and see the real world.

My best friends from high school who have stood by me every step of the way since the beginning of my scoliosis are flying out here in 2 weeks to see me. I'm really lucky to have such friends and I'm so excited to spend a long weekend with them (especially since it doesn't hurt as much to laugh anymore, and I'm sure there will be a lot of laughing going on)!

My scar tells a story

When people look at my scar, some wince, some gasp in surprise, but none know that my scar represents more than an 18-inch incision. It represents my story, my battle, and my victories. At first I would not look at my scar, but now I look everyday, not only to make sure it still looks good, but to remember how far I have come.

Today I am 5 weeks post-op. It has been a very difficult past week, but I'm already feeling a bit better this morning (save the burning sensation in my leg from nerves waking up and my right shoulder). This week I am hoping to get out of the house and go for a walk in the arboretum. I miss the lakes and I miss downtown. I think it would do a world of good for my mental state of mind. Plus, the weather has finally cooled down from the upper 90s. Ick.

My father is leaving at the end of this week as well. We have been blessed in that family members have been here since June 1st to take care of me while my husband works. I admit I'm afraid to be left on my own, although I bet I can do it. My father is building a little bar device by my bed so it will be easier for me to get up and down. Yay for fathers!

Well, it is time to start my day and go for a walk before the thunderstorms roll on by! Perhaps later when I have more energy I'll expand on how my scar tells more of my story.

more pain

I'm almost 5 weeks post-op now and the pain is worse than before, especially in my upper right side. I'm incredibly moody and not enjoying these mood swings. I am not able to do much because of the stabbing pain and the nurses are trying to wean me off pain meds way too soon. I'm so annoyed at them! How would they like to have their spine moved, fused together, and endure their body attempting to completely realign themselves? I think they would have a different perspective. I'm in too much pain to write anymore right now.

Pain day

I'm having a really bad pain day, which is also bringing on a bad depressive mood. I hope this gets better soon because it really sucks. :(

1 month anniversary

Toward the end of May I kept saying, "Man, I wish June was over." Well, sure enough it is and today I am one month post-op. It has been a very fast month in many ways, but also one of the slowest of my life as I re-learn every little thing that I had taken for granted before. Luckily, I have had the help of loving family and friends every step of the way that has helped tremendously. I know that I am making progress, but sometimes it just seems really slow. I'm still in constant pain, although the level of pain has decreased slightly and my independence has increased slightly. I've been trying to wake up each morning with a positive attitude, excited about what new step I'll take today. (Sometimes it is easy to fall into the habit of waking up to the same monotony of recovery and thinking, "Here we go again").

When the pace of life slows down this much, it is amazing how such basic things give one joy everyday. Much of the day is spent trying to do things that one should be able to do, or sleeping, but there are things I look forward to everyday. I love walking. I was so afraid of paralysis when I first learned about the surgery that I am grateful for every step I can take, even if I still need the cane sometimes. I love when my husband comes home from work and lays by my side and strokes my hair. I love that I can sit up long enough to watch some morning television. I love taking showers (although I can't wash my hair by myself yet).

I've come a looong way. My husband was making me laugh last night (which is usually not a great idea because it turns into crying from pain), but he was retelling stories from the hospital of how pathetic I was trying to use the breathing machine and cough. Sometimes breathing is still difficult and coughing hurts like hell still, but it is better than one month ago, and next week will be better than this.

Before and After pictures

Need I say more?