Last March I came home in tears after Dr. Tribus told me that my curve was now 55 degrees and he "didn't like the look of where it was going." He told me to come back a year later and we'll decide about doing surgery in June of 2007. Well, a year later is almost here and I've done a lot of research over the last year, a lot of crying, and a lot of growing as a person.
I'm getting scared though. I think I'm scared of making the decision one way or the other. If I have surgery in June, then it is obvious why I have fear. However, I'm just as scared if we decide not to do surgery. If surgery is imminent sometime in my future, how much longer do I have to wait? How is that going to affect family planning in the next few years? Am I really going to continue to live with this pain? I feel like if I don't do surgery, I'm kind of back to square one. If I don't, then there is the big - WHAT NEXT question. I've done everything I can for scoliosis - tried everything that is nonsurgical. What else could I do if Dr. Tribus decides not to do surgery this year?
If I go ahead with the surgery then the pre-op procedures begin and it becomes REAL. I'm ok talking about it right now because it is not really real to me yet. It hit me initially last year when Dr. Tribus informed me that surgery was most likely in my future, but lately I've had to just move on with my life and not think about it constantly. It is not healthy to dwell. Now I'm starting to dwell again . . .
Perhaps I'm starting to think about it more today it is because my pain level is quite high and I had a lot of trouble sleeping last night because of pain. I even sleep on a temperpedic (sp?) bed. I feel very crooked today (spine wise) :)
My husband is going to take a picture of my spine so I can have a pre-op picture and so it can help my friends understand. I'll post it later.
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3 comments:
Making the decision on which way to go is the hardest part..it was for me...Now, doing nothing is one of your choices...right??!
you are young which means your spine is more flexible therefore more correction..
I wonder what kind of facial expression your Doctor would have if he checked my spine at 95 degrees...??
I cried thru my first appmt with Dr. Boachie. He had a new young intern(girl) with him.. she did'nt know what to do for me...finally she handed me the tissue box..I hope it was'nt her first day....Ly
good luck with your decision...I'll be thking of you!!!
Anya
I know exactly how you feel. The reality of it is that at some point you may really need to have the surgery. Your curve is over 50 degrees, likely progressive and is causing you pain. You are young and if you are going to have surgery it is better to do it while age is on your side. I am not trying to scare you. Just speaking from experience. My curve was only a few degrees higher than yours. Unfortunately, this bloody disease doesn't go away. Surgery is a big deal. It's scary. But it gives you a chance at a better life. Try to fill your mind with positive thoughts. Cross the bridge when you get to it. I'll be keeping you in my thoughts.
(((hugs)))
Thanks for your comments. I consider you both role models and really appreciate your help through this process!
Best,
Anya
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